Review: The Object of my Affection is in my Reflection by Rokelle Lerner

There are so many books on narcissism, the most common being “Stop Walking on Eggshells” or “Loving the Self-Absorbed”. Those are great books too, but this book is one of my favorites, and even though it is not a new book, I wanted to give it a shout out because I feel like this book does not get nearly enough exposure.

One thing I really like about this book is that it is useful both for therapists and also for those in relationship with narcissists. She has whole sections on therapy with narcissists and strategies that therapists can take in working with narcissists, which is great. Narcissists have a high likelihood of substance abuse and are not very amenable to therapy, but will go if they lose a relationship or other important things like jobs. While a therapist might be tempted to confront a narcissist, this will not do any good. It’s important to work with their ego if possible, and to be firm yet gentle. Having good boundaries is crucially important.

For those in relationship with narcissists, Lerner has awesome suggestions. First, narcissists tend to choose people who will fall for their overwhelming charm, and may have fears of abandonment, or susceptible to taking the blame for everything. So it is important for people in these relationships to know themselves and do their own work. Also for these individuals, boundaries are super important, and learning to really accept that the narcissist can’t and won’t change.

This is an easy to read book that is great to hand to clients who are struggling in relationship to narcissists, but it’s also a great book for therapists to have on their shelf to consult. If you only have one book about narcissists, I think this one should be it!

Disclaimer: The Amazon link above is an affiliate link and I receive a small compensation from purchases made through this link. Summaries are NOT intended to replace the purchase of the book, but simply to save you time reading.